Monday, January 24, 2011
where is my brush?!
Guys, I swear some sort of miniature person has come and stolen my hairbrush. Well sucks for you! Now my hair is a hawt mess and I look like an Asian medusa. Yeah bitches, I'll turn you to stone.
Friday, January 21, 2011
midwestern mofo at yale.
I'm thinking of possibly starting another blog.
I wanna call it: Midwestern Mofo At Yale. The premise will be for me to discuss things that go on at school that I think is totally cray.
Example: Vegan Meatballs.
Okay vegans of Yale. I totes get that you want just as much variety in your pasta selections as us carnivores. But lemme pose you a question. If you like meatballs so damn much why did you decide to give that shit up?! Instead, you're making us poor protein enthusiasts suffer. Because vegan meatballs are actually disgusting. No other way of saying it. All I can say is that eating those was a more scaring experience than that time I accidentally chugged down maggots in my hawt chocolate. Ruminate on that vegans of Yale. Maggots.
Vegan meatballs need to gtfo of our meals. Vegan meatballs should not exist.
Why should vegan meatballs get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his imitation-but-really-soy feet? Hm? Meat meatballs are just as cute as vegan meatballs, okay, meat meatballs are just as smart as vegan meatballs. People totally like meat meatballs just as much as they like vegan meatballs (probs more, let's be honest). And when did it become okay for one type of meatball to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what a balanced diet is about! We should totally STAB VEGAN MEATBALLS! AND THEN NOT EAT THEM!
I wanna call it: Midwestern Mofo At Yale. The premise will be for me to discuss things that go on at school that I think is totally cray.
Example: Vegan Meatballs.
Okay vegans of Yale. I totes get that you want just as much variety in your pasta selections as us carnivores. But lemme pose you a question. If you like meatballs so damn much why did you decide to give that shit up?! Instead, you're making us poor protein enthusiasts suffer. Because vegan meatballs are actually disgusting. No other way of saying it. All I can say is that eating those was a more scaring experience than that time I accidentally chugged down maggots in my hawt chocolate. Ruminate on that vegans of Yale. Maggots.
Vegan meatballs need to gtfo of our meals. Vegan meatballs should not exist.
Why should vegan meatballs get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his imitation-but-really-soy feet? Hm? Meat meatballs are just as cute as vegan meatballs, okay, meat meatballs are just as smart as vegan meatballs. People totally like meat meatballs just as much as they like vegan meatballs (probs more, let's be honest). And when did it become okay for one type of meatball to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that's not what a balanced diet is about! We should totally STAB VEGAN MEATBALLS! AND THEN NOT EAT THEM!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
i'm a mothafucking FONT SNOB! (sing to the tune of "monster"--the part where nicki raps "i'm a mothafucking monsta!")
OMG YOU GUYS.
Today, I was reading these blogs written by my peers here at school, and I was maaaaaaad judging them for the fonts that they chose. It's like, I don't care that you raised money for Mexican orphanages or that you discovered that Tyrannosaurus Rex still survives in remote areas of the Florida marshes--it's absolutely inappropriate and unforgivable that you have a Tumblr (aka, the most quintessential example of hipsterdom), yet chose to use TREBUCHET (aka, the font of preteen AIMers, as you'll witness below) as the font in which you write down your most World Wide Web-worthy thoughts.
DO YOU WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY PEERS?! It's basically like you jetted off to the Australian outback but then spent the entire time chilling on a lavish toilet. Like yeah, you're totally still in Australia on a great toilet, but that is not the purpose of going to Australia. Likewise, yeah it's awesome that you're even on Tumblr (at least you demonstrate some understanding of contemporary technological savvy) but dear lord, Trebuchet on Tumblr?! I used Trebuchet as my 8th grade AIM font when I flirted with boys who wore pink polos with popped collars. Think about that Yale undergrad bloggers! Do you want to be held in the same realm of being as 8th grade teenyboppers? I think not. But if you do, I mean I guess that's chill too.
Here is trebuchet font:
But perhaps I can't expect everyone to have the same adequacy for font choosing as I do. Sigh, being a font prodigy is just soooo difficult sometimes. Being ahead of the curve is just so emotionally trying and exhausting. Hehehhehe this is code for: get on my level betchezzz!
But even if you are not a typeface topnotcher like me, you are still in good company:
I mean, let's be real here y'all: whose stupid ass idea was it to use CENTURY GOTHIC AS TRAILER FONT FOR SUCH CRAZY SHIT AS JANE EYRE?! I saw this trailer before I watched How Do You Know (don't watch it, it's a terrible movie) and literally almost threw my extra butter popcorn on the couple in front of me after I saw the font on that trailer. Thank god I love saturated fats too much to waste them. But seriously guys! I used Century Gothic in my 9th grade presentation on the My Lai Massacre! I mean, in hindsight that was also inappropriate, I guess Century Gothic isn't really compatible with mass murder. . .
PS, to understand how you're supposed to sing the title of this post (the actual lyric is in the last 10 seconds):
PPS I hope everyone reading this post is taking it seriously. Because we as a collective force of mankind cannot rest until the day when font ignorance is remedied! Forget the progress of international criminal courts! Forget the hungry 5 year olds in Vietnam! Forget that Haiti is still in ruins even a year later! The day when Trebuchet GTFO Tumblr, that will be the day when humanity can truly be at peace. We pray for you unsavvy Tumblr users, we pray for you.
Today, I was reading these blogs written by my peers here at school, and I was maaaaaaad judging them for the fonts that they chose. It's like, I don't care that you raised money for Mexican orphanages or that you discovered that Tyrannosaurus Rex still survives in remote areas of the Florida marshes--it's absolutely inappropriate and unforgivable that you have a Tumblr (aka, the most quintessential example of hipsterdom), yet chose to use TREBUCHET (aka, the font of preteen AIMers, as you'll witness below) as the font in which you write down your most World Wide Web-worthy thoughts.
DO YOU WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY PEERS?! It's basically like you jetted off to the Australian outback but then spent the entire time chilling on a lavish toilet. Like yeah, you're totally still in Australia on a great toilet, but that is not the purpose of going to Australia. Likewise, yeah it's awesome that you're even on Tumblr (at least you demonstrate some understanding of contemporary technological savvy) but dear lord, Trebuchet on Tumblr?! I used Trebuchet as my 8th grade AIM font when I flirted with boys who wore pink polos with popped collars. Think about that Yale undergrad bloggers! Do you want to be held in the same realm of being as 8th grade teenyboppers? I think not. But if you do, I mean I guess that's chill too.
Here is trebuchet font:
But perhaps I can't expect everyone to have the same adequacy for font choosing as I do. Sigh, being a font prodigy is just soooo difficult sometimes. Being ahead of the curve is just so emotionally trying and exhausting. Hehehhehe this is code for: get on my level betchezzz!
But even if you are not a typeface topnotcher like me, you are still in good company:
I mean, let's be real here y'all: whose stupid ass idea was it to use CENTURY GOTHIC AS TRAILER FONT FOR SUCH CRAZY SHIT AS JANE EYRE?! I saw this trailer before I watched How Do You Know (don't watch it, it's a terrible movie) and literally almost threw my extra butter popcorn on the couple in front of me after I saw the font on that trailer. Thank god I love saturated fats too much to waste them. But seriously guys! I used Century Gothic in my 9th grade presentation on the My Lai Massacre! I mean, in hindsight that was also inappropriate, I guess Century Gothic isn't really compatible with mass murder. . .
PS, to understand how you're supposed to sing the title of this post (the actual lyric is in the last 10 seconds):
PPS I hope everyone reading this post is taking it seriously. Because we as a collective force of mankind cannot rest until the day when font ignorance is remedied! Forget the progress of international criminal courts! Forget the hungry 5 year olds in Vietnam! Forget that Haiti is still in ruins even a year later! The day when Trebuchet GTFO Tumblr, that will be the day when humanity can truly be at peace. We pray for you unsavvy Tumblr users, we pray for you.
Rihanna Channeling Sideshow Bob
Sideshow Bob is a serial killer on The Simpsons. Rihanna baby, are you trying to tell us something?
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I'm back at school after a beautiful jaunt at home with beautiful bitches (here's lookin at you hawt doggie friends!) and even more beautiful pals! Sorry about the lack of updates. I was busy having a life. . .
Hehheehe just kidding, we all know that I don't really have one--but can't we all pretend sometimes?!
Being home was fantastic because of my pals:
We heart Jacob Black, despite his terrible acting and small nipples. Also, rap and mother goose.
Till later homies. I'll be up in da club.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
2011 + 1 year anniversary
Hey everyone!
This will be short, sweet and not entertaining, and I apologize. This post is primarily for my own purposes.
But a happy one year birthday to my dear blog, it has done me well as a New Year's Resolution--I'll resolve this year to keep it up. Special thanks to all my strange (seriously your taste must be strange if you're reading this. . .) yet hearty readers who have battled with me through flighty hiatuses, capricious ramblings and terribly non-amusing posts. I truly adore you and respect your ability to follow such a poorly maintained blog! That takes chutzpah, I'm sure. Thank you all and I wish you a happy 2011!
Anyways, 2010 can be summed up in one word for me: Memories. It was the year that I got into college, the year I had my senior prom, the year I graduated, the year I moved into college. It was a year centered on creating a palpable taste of sweet nostalgia and for that reason, I think I'll always miss it. Granted, it was a year for change, but that change was incurred by hard work done outside of 2010: school work, college apps, growing up--those were all things that I finished in 2009.
And now, 2010 has finished with a beautiful bang of old friends and bacchanalia. And I think that many of us will miss it.
But for now, I know that I want 2011 to be summed up as this: growth. While 2010 was a year of memories, it was also a year of (rightly earned, but still horrible) slacking. And I can't do that anymore. With 2011 will come discipline and hard work, and, in return, growth.
This year is about pushing myself away from sniffing roses and instead on hiking onwards down the path. Towards who the hell knows what. But here's hoping it will bring me another patch of roses later on. Another 2010 later on.
xoxo 2010, I will quite tangibly miss you.
This will be short, sweet and not entertaining, and I apologize. This post is primarily for my own purposes.
But a happy one year birthday to my dear blog, it has done me well as a New Year's Resolution--I'll resolve this year to keep it up. Special thanks to all my strange (seriously your taste must be strange if you're reading this. . .) yet hearty readers who have battled with me through flighty hiatuses, capricious ramblings and terribly non-amusing posts. I truly adore you and respect your ability to follow such a poorly maintained blog! That takes chutzpah, I'm sure. Thank you all and I wish you a happy 2011!
Anyways, 2010 can be summed up in one word for me: Memories. It was the year that I got into college, the year I had my senior prom, the year I graduated, the year I moved into college. It was a year centered on creating a palpable taste of sweet nostalgia and for that reason, I think I'll always miss it. Granted, it was a year for change, but that change was incurred by hard work done outside of 2010: school work, college apps, growing up--those were all things that I finished in 2009.
And now, 2010 has finished with a beautiful bang of old friends and bacchanalia. And I think that many of us will miss it.
But for now, I know that I want 2011 to be summed up as this: growth. While 2010 was a year of memories, it was also a year of (rightly earned, but still horrible) slacking. And I can't do that anymore. With 2011 will come discipline and hard work, and, in return, growth.
This year is about pushing myself away from sniffing roses and instead on hiking onwards down the path. Towards who the hell knows what. But here's hoping it will bring me another patch of roses later on. Another 2010 later on.
xoxo 2010, I will quite tangibly miss you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)