frank rich, g's suck, hot heels, empire state of mind, no accidents

*Sidenote, I am trying to keep my vulgar words on the DL, seeing as how they've started to slip out of my mouth at inappropriate times, and it's kinda been getting me in trouble. :(, sad face for the limited use of the word "bitchin'" now.

1. Frank Rich
    You guys, of all the oldish people in the world, Frank Rich totally rules. He rules them all. Because Frank
Rich one sassy mo fo. Basically, he's writes for the opinions columns of the NY Times and he's pretty hardcore liberal. He usually focuses on what's going on in the political world, which typically is very monotonous and boring (think CSPAN you guys) and full of rich oldy people who like to act like school kids. . .whaaaaaat? Haha, politics makes me want to live in space, but I digress. But in a political world of such bland vanilla-ness (despite the fact that, hello, these things are happening for real and could probably actually kill us), Frank Rich brings in the sass. Think of him like the Perez Hilton of those of us who are current events savvy rather than Jon and Kate Plus Eight savvy. The way he writes is seriously awesome. He likes to use ballin words like "bamboozle" and "flimflams" and "lustrous" and here's a little excerpt from his most recent article
"His sham beatific image, questioned by almost no one until it collapsed, is nothing if not the farcical reductio ad absurdum of the decade’s flimflams, from the cancerous (the subprime mortgage) to the inane (balloon boy)." 
     That was a description of how Tiger Woods exemplifies the 2000-2010 decade you guys. Yeah. Trust, not all his writing is crazy like that, but you really start to feel smarter after reading 3 articles. And he totally uses pop culture references to keep your mind engaged and all that. But he does come down pretty hard on people he doesn't like (again he is staunchly liberal), so get out his face if you's gonna get all offended.
   Here's the link to all of the columns he's written: http://topics.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/frankrich/index.html
   And just as a sidenote, NY Times rocks, because if you don't know a word, all you do is highlight it, and this little question mark box will show up--click on it and it gives you the description of the word. Your vocab will be bustin out the roof before you know it, bros.

2. Not Putting G's on the end of Gerunds (aka, words ending in "ing")
    Okay, so I'm not going to lie, I don't care how much of a gaywad I am, I seriously love not putting g's on the ends of gerunds. And that's the way I'm gonna type for the rest of the paragraph. You guys, takin the g's off of gerunds just makes you sound totally happy with the way life is rollin. Where would country music and rap be if not for the lack of g's on their gerunds?
     I mean, come on, my lip gloss wouldn't be the same if it was popping, I wouldn't ever be rolling like a big shot. No, it's always my lip gloss is poppin, and I be rollin like a big shot. I tend to think that I sound like a tool if I do pronounce that "g."
    I'm just about 78% sure that I'm slowly going to start incorporating (incorporating is definitely a word that calls for a g, it's a word that says "I wear business suits and sensible heels") the g's back into my gerunds after I turn 23 or somethin, just so I can get a job. Because then I really will be wearin business suits and sensible heels.
    But for now, I'm wearin pajama pants and a Hello Kitty sweatshirt, and therefore I will definitely be leavin the g's off those gerunds.

3. Christian Louboutin's Very Galaxy Platform Pump in Silver
       Okay in the ultimate universe, I would tra la la with these babies strapped to my feet daily as I did everything. I would run in them,  I would hike in them, I would swim in them, I would wear them to class. Guys seriously, these shoes would make me feel like the hottest person alive EVERY DAY. I'm sure even guys would feel fabbity and glam in them. How can you not? You would step out in them, and BAM, helloo disco sex kitten--purr.
      Of course, I do not live in an ultimate universe, and at about $1000 a pop, I will probably never own these, because I would feel like I could send 3 African children to school and the disco kitten allure would be shattered by my crippling shame and guilt. I'll just stick to my Mootsies Tootsies I suppose (HOLLA PROM '01!).


4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=neVANc_pCvY
     I love Empire State of Mind (I dislike that it's played on Kiss 107 too often), and the rhythms in it really make me wanna get my groove on. I'm sure you groove and bop in your car as it comes on as well, back off.
     And I love thuggin covers like this one. I mean, COME ON, cello AND flute???!! AND the New York Subway system?!?! And divas shakin their thangs in the background? It's too much!! It's like you took a drunkie Paavo Jarvi (conductor for the Cincinnati Symphony Orchestra for those of you not savvy in classical music) and then threw him into Jay Z's broke down clothes. And then put him in a New York Subway. Bitchin.

5. Not Getting Into Car Accidents
      Duh not getting into car accidents rock, but I'm talking about those 3-millimeters-away-from-totally-crashing-and-then-miraculously-you-stop-and-bump-into-the-bumper-on-the-streets-and-then-you-have-a-daring-story-to-tell-at-school-rather-than-having-to-pay-a-few-thousand-to-your-insurance-company moments. Yeah one of those moments definitely happened to me last month (when the roads were hella icy, but school was definitely not canceled), and they seriously are the most freakin awesome experiences ever. Except, I mean, the whole close to wrecking part. But afterwards you're just so thankful that nothing happened, and you are just more gracious to be lucky. And then you start to really whole heartedly believe that there really is a higher being after all. But I digress.