Alice: Okay, here's the rated R Grimm brothers version of this story: The princess only kissed the frog because she was sexually repressed at the club because she was surrounded by gay guys who weren't into her cute ass, and instead they were into each other's cute asses, so she got blackout--drowning her sorrows in Skyy, obvi--and DFMO'd hard with some rando frog on the dance floor and he "turned into a prince" because she had her vodka sunnies on. Because what princess would actually let her lips touch a reptile like that? Unless she's a French princess and eats frog legs. Hold the butter.
Mary: She could have been a Chinese princess, too. I was at a Chinese buffet and they had frog legs.
Alice: You went to a Chinese buffet?! You know that all Chinese buffets worship Buddha, right? And he's a shirtless man whose BMI was probably like 31. Oh God, Mary, are you going to start worshipping Buddha, too and get fat and sit cross legged? I mean, no offense, but your ears are already big enough. . .Oh god, oh no, I cannot let this happen! Oh God, oh horny teen Jesus in charge of maintaining the appearances of sexy teen girls, don't let Mary become this! She's like, my best friend, and my best friend has to be almost as sexy as me, or else people will think I'm like, weird!
Mary: I mean, at least my boobs would be huge.
Alice: Oh my god Mary, that's so sacrilegious.
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