dorothy

Dorothy: I'm just so confused because. . .well sometimes he's really cute and other times he's really ugly? In his Facebook pictures? So I don't know if I like him. Because, sometimes he's cute. But other times he's not. It's just. . .weird? It's scary. I'm scared. Your sweater makes you look fat.

---pan to individual interviews with Alice, Mary and Susan---

Alice: Dorothy is dumber than full fat whipped cream on top of a whole milk frappucino.

Mary: Dorothy is a stupid bitch who processes thoughts slower than Alice does when she hasn't eaten in a few days . . . yeah, I know.

Susan: I think Dorothy's a little retarded. And I mean that in a socially correct way. Like, I think she has brain damage. Really. I'm not just being mean. Like maybe her umbilical cord choked her a little when she was being born? I mean, she doesn't mind when I call her retarded, so. . . stop judging me, you have no right to. This is defamation.

Alice: We keep her around because she's pretty and her boobs are proportionate to her waist, and . . .well. If she were set loose, she would probably steal our boyfriends on accident. She has that ditzy thing going for her. But, she's not faking it. But, I mean. . .she's right about your sweater. You might want to give that to the poor Jehovah's Witnesses. They come to my door all the time and try to find Jesus or something. And I'm just like, sorry guys, Jesus doesn't live in my house because he is in heaven? Like, duh, shouldn't they know that? So I just feel bad and sometimes I give them my old heels because their shoes are so vom. I'm sure they would appreciate your sweater. You really should be charitable, because it's Thanksgiving, and even the Pilgrims gave their food to the Indians on Thanksgiving.