things i've decided.

Honestly young adult literature these days is COMPLETE SHIT! Actually, I have no idea what young adult guys' literature is like, but YA girls' literature is literally ridiculous. It's like, ladies! How many vampire books are you gonna read before you realize that vampires are freaky--like come on, they want to kill you! And maybe they wanna date you a little bit if you are super pretty, but for the most part, they just wanna kill you!

So because YA books are to the literature world what public school elementary teachers are to the teaching profession and what a backyard potato sack race is to the professional potato sack racing life, I'm thinking that it'd be totally fun if I write a YA novel! Good thing I already have a head start--on my computer at home, you'll find several 1-2 page word files saved with titles like "I Suck at Drawing Hearts" and "I Hate Summer" and "Perfect" and, perhaps most ambitiously, "Jesus the Dog" (all written between 7th and 9th grades). All appropriately angsty, ridiculous and focused on the overwhelming life problems of teenage girls.

For example, here is an excerpt of the first lines of "I Hate Summer"

            I hate that feeling when you lose control. Not even big time control, like with crack and Marlboros and stuff like that. But even just sitting in front of the computer. And not being able to get off, even though you know, you just know, that there isn’t anything for you to actually do on the computer. That you could be doing something else other than sitting on your ass staring at a screen.

            That’s how I feel right now. Like I’m wasting my life away. I can totally feel my fat cells multiplying right now. (Did you know that fat cells can multiply? Yeah, apparently they can. Like all these scientists thought that there were a certain number of fat cells in your body from birth (like eggs in your ovaries or something) and they just got bigger or smaller. Depending on many Frosties and fries combinations you stuffed in your mouth per week. Well now, these scientists are all saying that, when you’re a kid, you can actually gain more fat cells. I read that in Time.)

            God I hate summer.

Jesus Christ! The girl's a natural born YA author! So much angst! You just know a vampire is gonna swoop in at some point and her summer's gonna get better and then the end will be even more angsty and she'll talk about "losing control" again with great metaphors as good as "like with crack and Marlboros and stuff like that."

But really though, I only have one year of teenagedom left. . .so I might as well drown myself in teenage angst while I STILL HAVE AN EXCUSE, RIGHT?! Right! Maybe. If I have time I'm totally doing this.




On another note: I'm going to TRY to stop cussing for a month. A tiny bit because I think people judge me for cussing a lot, but mainly because cussing has become such a staple part of my vocabulary that I've really lost a lot of originality and creativity in my vocabulary style, so I think this will force me to work on my vocab abs a little bit (get it? most people say "flex my vocab muscle" but like, abs rhymes with vocab, so why not just use a specific muscle? Omg i'm a genius. I'll put that in my YA novel). Maybe I'll get a little more witty with my insults and praise as a result.