fanny packs!

Guys, fanny packs get such an undeservedly bad rap! Honestly they are a simple, hands-free purse, hello!

It's like, okay I wanna go out with my friends:

I'm going to bring a phone to text people so I can look more popular than I am and in case someone attacks me on my way back from the club, I'm going to bring my camera to take pictures of me having fun so I can prove it to all my high school friends on Facebook, I'm going to bring gum in case my post-jello shot breath is stanky, I'm going to bring chapstick to keep my lips soft in the case of a DFMO, and I'm going to bring money for pizza afterwards if the DFMO doesn't evolve into anything else. Am I going to put it in a CLUTCH?! That I'm going to have to awkwardly hold when I am grinding? And that I will drop and lose if I get super drunk?! Heck no I won't be putting all my precious survival gear in a clutch!

I'm gonna stick it all in a FANNY PACK!

Ideally something like this: