legends and conspiracies

1. Annie's Homegrown Organic Snack Bunnies
     Here are the snack bunnies:

      So obviously a part of me is like . . . does being organic change goldfish into bunnies? Per fuckin haps! Just as being off-brand changes goldfish into whales:

   But that's not even the real question here. The real question is. . .why do human beings like to eat cheddar crackers in full, live animal form? It's like, okay I understand why you don't shape them like palm trees or benches (hello, what weirdo wants to eat a palm tree or a bench?) but . .why don't we shape them like a chicken leg? Why don't we shape them like a hamburger? Why don't we shape them like a hot dog? I personally would be more inclined to eat a cheddar cracker in the shape of a chicken leg than I would be inclined to eat a cheddar cracker like a bunny or a goldfish. I refused to eat Goldfish for a good portion of my teenybopper life because I just imagined my mom's goldfish, kickin it in their tank, swimming happily. And it seemed very wrong to eat their cheddary brethren.

   Are cheddar cracker companies somehow linked to the National Hunters Association, and are they thus using subliminal messaging to encourage animal slaughter from an early age?! CONSPIRACIES! Someone get PETA on this shiz, quick!!

2. Mean Girls Quotes (WHO DOESN'T AMIRITE?!)
    Gah, if I didn't have Mean Girls quotes to soothe my soul. . .nothing would be that different. Except I wouldn't laugh quietly to myself as often, as I am currently (people keep on staring at me though. . .it's like, sorry I'm so beautiful and happy, right?!). And some of my top FB statuses would never exist. HOLLA.

Recent fave: "I'm sorry that people are so jealous of me. . .but I can't help it that I'm so popular." Yeah Gretch! You tell it like it is girl! It's like, sorry your dad's such a genius and invented Toaster Strudel, right?! I really think that this was the very beginning of:

   Gretchen Weiners, what a legend.

3. Steamed Broccoli
       This is a completely embarrassing result of me eating healthy. I've recently developed a taste for steamed broccoli. FML, amirite? It's like I'm one step from living in a nursing home sizzurpin on prune juice and pooping my pants. Heheh, that latter part was done for my fecal fetishers across the world. This is my last post involving them (my fingers are crossed, hehe suckers).

4. These Cookies

It's not a bad thing that 3/5 of my posts today involved food, yeah?? Don't even matter what you say cause these cookies are SO ACES! I can only beat the first few levels in Mario World, but that doesn't mean that I can't love Toad, right?! But I just want to kindly point out. . .yet another case of humans eating foodie versions of live creatures. Imagine if you had a little fishtank of Toads in your house, do you think you'd be as inclined to eat these cookies? I don't think so. . .conspiracies. . .subliminal murder messages. . .cookies. . .mm. . .binge eating. . .

For Lent, I gave up desserts. Because I actually am not a religion, I participate in Lent, not so much to celebrate the Passion of the Christ (though that is very important and I respect it), but secretly, instead to celebrate the dawn of bikini season. Goodbye desserts. . .gotta celebrate Christ and prep my bod for a two piece. 

These cookies were made by I Am Baker

5. Margaret Atwood's The Penelopiad
     This historical reception is so tops. If you like The Odyssey. Or just a good story. Or even just shortish stories. This book is for you. I read it once my senior year of high school and was like, cute. But actually, it turns out, you gain much more from it if you've read The Odyssey. So I read it again after I read the Odyssey this year, and it was so hauntingly beautiful. . . I love it. No other words, except the words of another total legend, LeVar Burton, "But you don't have to take my word for it!"