chapstick, ribbon, NPR, narcissism, neckbraces

1. Chapstick
     Chapstick is my favorite product in the entire world. Primarily, it's because I would like to have lips like Angelina Jolie. You know, freakishly beestung and pillowy to the extent that it looks like you are actually having an allergic reaction and are probably going to need an Epipen any second, but you are looking all pouty and sexy at the same time--I will call the look Allergic Reaction Chic. Perhaps it is the media frenzy surrounding Allergic Reaction Chic lips, but that is totally what I want. I don't care you guys, I don't care that it's what the media tells us to have and that I'm being a conformist or whatever, I just want hot lips. So for that reason, I take care of my lips more than any other part of my face, which is why I have various tubes of Chapstick all around my house. And also why I have interesting oil stains on my jeans sometimes (you guys, I'm so bad at checking my pockets before drying my pants. . .and chapstick+dryer = questionable looking stains).
      Chapstick makes my lips all silky and smooth and fabbity and oftentimes, knowing that my lips are in tip top shape, I find myself having the urge to kiss panes of glass in order to see if I can make that perfect kiss mark on it--it's hard, let me tell you. And that is so weird, I know, but it's either that or cleaning my room, and smooching glass is a lot easier than scrubbing a toilet you guys.
     Despite the aura of girlyness that surrounds Chapstick, I am a firm believer that all guys should go out and get some sort of lip balm and slather that shit on. Because no one likes crusty, bloody lips. Your face can be hot shit, but nasty I-am-too-good-for-lip-protectant lips can turn that right around, and you'll be nothing but a hot mess.

2. Curling Ribbon
     Taking a pair of scissors and curling ribbon is totally relaxing and then you feel accomplished because you've made the world a bit more beautiful (unless, of course, you're a fan of straight ribbon, in which case I feel like maybe there is something wrong with you). I remember feeling like a goddess the day my brother taught me to curl ribbon with the blade of a pair of scissors.
       And now I'm baller at curling ribbon.
       Next time your mother is wrapping presents and there is ribbon, offer to curl it for her. Just a warning though, if you run the blade through 2 or 3 times, the ribbon gets straight again.
        If you don't know how to curl ribbon, I recommend it's something that you learn how to do. Who knows, maybe one day you'll get kidnapped by Osama Bin Laden and he'll give you ribbon to play with and then curling it will impress him and totally save your life. Maybe.

3. NPR (aka National Public Radio)
     You guys! Before I start hollering to the heavens about how much j'adore NPR (tee hee, that's all I know about French, except baguette), I have to just go ahead and admit that I am really quite nerdy, despite how hard I attempt to disguise this fact in my daily life. While I am not Star Trek/Lord of The Rings nerdy (only because space exploration and Gimli and Sauron seriously scare me), I totally heart school and learning new things and watching PBS. There I said it, it's out there, I'm no longer in denial, whateva, moving on.
    Every morning when I wake up, and on my way to school, and on my way back from school, NPR (aka 91.7, aka news radio, aka the greatest thing ever!!!!) is playing on my radio. (Sometimes I'll realize that I have to listen to KISS only so I can know what popular music is on [you guys, don't even try to question me about pop culture, 'cause I know all of that shit; my list of celebrity gossip websites is embarrassingly high]. . .but I swear, if I hear Jason DeRulo destroying Imogen Heap's original song bopping out of my iHome one more time, I'm going to cut a bitch.) And so then I'm all updated on current global issues about things going on in Yemen and which senators are not running for re-election and all that. And you guys! You feel so smart afterwards, it's awesome! And it's not all boring global issues, NPR totally interviews and talks about cool people/things like Tracy Morgan, Steve Carrell, Taylor Swift, Vampire Weekend, etc. And they have kickin little programs about people's lives and stuff, and it's seriously SUBLIME. I'll probably talk about one of their programs (This American Life!!!) later, because it's so cool.
      NPR is really great to listen to if you're going on a walk or jog, because they have free downloadable podcasts on iTunes. Or, if you're just driving and you're about ready to throw up, you've heard Paparazzi so many times, just switch it to 91.7--just as a fair warning though, NPR is known to be a liberal media station when it comes to politics, but it's not bad--give it a try and see if you like it!

4. Taking Pictures of Myself

      If you were to look at my camera from me in 7th grade, you probably would have thought that I was the second coming of Narcissus and was probably ready to snog myself, that's how many pictures of me were on my camera. And the only reason you wouldn't find that now is because I don't particularly use my camera that much anymore, and I prefer to make vids of myself via webcam instead. But you guys, who the heck is more fascinating to look at than YOURSELF??! Because, let's be honest, you never see yourself. You see other people way more than you see yourself. And sometimes, you're just like. . .I wonder what I look like when I make this particular face. And sometimes, before you look at yourself making that face, you think you look like a rockstar, but then you look at the picture of yourself making that face and you're like. . .whoa, kinda looks like I need to eat more fiber (aka you look constipated). This is especially true of "Duckface" which a lot of girls nowadays tend to make when they think they are looking sexy, but in actuality you look like a duck with glossy lips. Something that I am totally guilty of. Except replace glossy with Chapsticked. (check out real people doing duckface here: http://antiduckface.com/) But if you think you look good doin duckface, keep doing duckface because opinions are just opinions and you shouldn't base your life what other people think. I just think it's an interesting phenomena. . .like who invented duckface? Is it still about how media wants us all to look Allergic Reaction Chic? Because duckface does help us look that way. . .but I totally totally digress, and I'm so sorry about digressing so often because obviously my mind is a floater and who even knows how I concentrate during school . . .
          But anyways. Taking pictures of myself has totally become a part of my life (as well as many of you guys, I see you with yo facebook profile pictures :D), with the advent of such thing as Myspace (ew) and now I've just come to embrace it because I can figure out what looks good and what looks like I was born with a birth defect. And it's just a good forum to release all my narcissism. Which I'm just gonna go ahead and admit, I totally have.
    *Sidenote: If you think duckface totally makes you look divalicious and glammity glam, by all means keep doing it, don't be lettin the hatas bring you down! Here are some hotty hot celebs doin their duckface thang and I think they look fine http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-10-celebs-who-need-to-quit-making-duckface/
    
5. People in Neck Braces

     HAHAHAHAHHAHA. This post is for sure going to make me the target of some sort of international conspiracy to have me assassinated for being such a bitch, but I definitely do not care, because PEOPLE IN NECK BRACES ARE HILARIOUS. Listen you guys, I understand that the circumstances behind neck braces are absolutely terrible: horrible car accidents, traumatizing base jumping, bad run-ins with rogue ice cream trucks--but no matter how horrid your background story was, it doesn't change the fact that when you wear a neck brace, I have an itching urge to giggle. Only because the fact that they limit mobility so much is funnay funnay stuff. Awkwardio, awkwardio, awkwardio. Because when you can't move your neck, all of a sudden, all of your other movements have to that much more exaggerated. Looking places, walking, drinking your Lipton Iced Tea, everything is done with a tiny bit more flourish and everything looks a bit more owl-like. Loves it. I think it's also because if someone's in a neck brace, more often than not, you know they'll get out of the neck brace and resume normal activity, thus making me feel not as bad for wanting to laugh. Writing about it though, has made me realize that me loving this is very very bitchy and now I feel kind of really guilty and bad. But I will never be able to stop, and my loving of it is inexplicable. It's similar to people loving dogs with wheels as their hind legs instead of actual legs. Sad but so effin funny. I am terribly sorry if I have offended anyone, I understand I have partially dug myself into a hole, and now I will lie in it for a few hours to discipline myself. Tee hee neckbraces.
     If I am ever in a neck brace, everyone can totally laugh at me, because I realize that I will look ridiculous.