Just be glad I'm even typey-typing right now, because last year around this time, I took an extended hiatus throughout the month of March due to planning a pep rally--and I mean, I guess now that I'm thinking about it, I'd definitely take a midterm over pep rally planning any day. That bonanza was stressful you guys, it was like, I used an entire tube of Neutrogena Redness Reducing Acne Wash in one month because literally my pimples were popping up like Whack A Moles on the most advanced level of the game.
But I digress--I'm on spring break now, and rather than being in Miami, trick, (or rather New Orleans, as Mardi Gras fell so perfectly in line with blackout-seeking college students getting out of school) I am instead roaming around the Targets in the exotic lands of suburban Ohio and frantically Google searching any variation of the phrase "How to Lose The Freshman 15," "Victoria's Secret Model Workouts" and "How Many Calories Are In A Shot Of Vodka" (Answer: 56).
That's right dear readers, my brownie-eating, salad-tossing (tossing as in throwing away, not the normal kind), 5-minute-on-the-treadmill days have finally caught up to me, and now they are running past me, making snarky bitch comments like "Fatty can't run up a hill anymore!" I mean, it's fine--I know February has been bad to me, and perhaps I could've made the effort to run a mile on the treadmill, rather than getting to .5 and calling it quits. Or I could forego my "cookie at every meal" philosophy. Really though I don't think that it's my fault. I mean, wouldn't the problem be solved if I just had better body-fat-distribution genetics? Like wouldn't this all be solved if some kid at a science fair came up with a way to genetically manipulate my DNA so that all this weight could go straight to my boobs and butt? Like then I could at least try out the porn star industry, amirite? Or learn how to rap and call myself Nicki MinAsian. . . Not that I don't already do that. (If Bottoms Up ever comes on when I'm around you. . .watch out).
But this brings me to my point--science fairs have been so stigmatized in the United States that kids who potentially could come up with a project to genetically modify my body so that my fat effectively makes my bra size bigger, are instead watching Jersey Shore and Facebooking their BFF being like "OMG Snooki is soooo hilar." Or kids who could be surfing the internet for ideas to make our energy grid more efficient are instead surfing the internet for "Victoria's Secret Model Workouts."
And I don't think the problem is that Science Fair is for losers--we've long jumped that hurdle (though teachers and administrators who grew up with John Hughes' stereotypical movies may still think otherwise); I mean, come on, a young Natalie Portman made it to the semi-final round of INTEL International Science Fair. Instead, I believe that students don't think that they are good enough to come up with an idea and test that idea. And it's understandable why--with future-MIT computer tech geniuses entering the Science Fair with projects that deal with Avian Bird Flu simulation, it can be discouraging to those of us whose everyday encounters with science have to do with watching birds poop on our windshields.
But we can't have that happen. As every History Channel special and truck commercial tells us, "America was built on innovation." And with countries like Portugal and China coming up with brilliant new ways to be more energy efficient or to build new infrastructure, America cannot drag its heels. We cannot allow all our future potential to walk around malls every weekend trying on clothes at Forever 21 for hours on end. We cannot allow all our future potential to spend their evenings sitting on a video rocker chair, shooting Russians in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare. I mean, yeah, those can be marks of our country's great freedom, but what is freedom at the price of complete stasis? Our future potential currently thinks that it is incapable of innovation--that innovation takes high IQ's and crazy SAT scores and computer programming talents. But that's not true! Innovation just takes an idea and ambition.
So I say, as a teen girl, let's continue to shop at H&M. Let's continue to watch Gossip Girl. Let's continue to cheerlead, to curl our hair, to read Seventeen. But let's also be pioneers. Let's be ambitious, let's find answers, let's build on ideas. Because stasis doesn't work. Our generation has got competition. No matter how much we scoff at differing Kawaii fashion trends in Japan or how French teens don't use deodorant, our self-righteousness does nothing to slow any other non-American teen down. So we should get off our Nike running short-clad booties, go running, and then go do science fair projects. Teen girls have to believe that they are capable of more than just looking hot. We have the capability, we just need the inspiration to realize that capability.
*This was written because I need motivation.
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