back on da spice wagon

1. Totally Dope Classical Music (Rachmaninoff's Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini)

        I totally hate on those mink stole-wearing ladies with names like Vivian and Muffy who trill on about how Mozart's eighth symphony was simply delightful, or how Chopin's work brings tears to their eyeball while they mingle at intellectual soirees with their emerald rings and buff husbands named Biff who are involved in investment banking and extramarital affairs. Being cat enthusiasts as well, the only other thing they talk about is their Persian kitty, Fleur. Y'all know who I'm talking about. The people who you hope you're self-aware enough to not become. As a sidenote, these people probs aren't even real.
       Regardless, I'm usually a classical music hater because you can't really shake your thang to it. And if you try, it's awk city. Trust. But under certain circumstances (like when you're cramming for an econ final, but not really, because, hello. . .watching grape stomping lady fall on her ugh ugh ugh-ing reporter lady ass [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aMS0O3kknvk] won't exactly help you understand what the fuck marginal revenue means. . .) I rock the mink stole and transform into Vivian and believe that classical music can be totally fantasmo. For reals this made me focus for at least one page of econ notes:

2. This Underwear

      Ladies, you know that totally demoralizing situation where you are trying to look all foxy, but then you realize your body-con dress totally shows that little squish of fat on your waist that pops up over your underwear? And rather than being rational and just going commando or just not caring about it, you instead start whining about how fat you're getting and how you are going to start dieting and then, next thing ya know, you're actually crying into your Hershey bar and no longer going out to shake your thang, but instead googling "How To Become Petite," and cursing your mom for not enrolling you in ballet when you were an infant so you could look like Natalie Portman or even that bitch who went to high school with you and couldn't wear flip flops (cause her pointe shoes made her toes so gnarly), but still had really good posture and a better ass than you. Well you can kiss that situation goodbye! This VS underwear has a lacy top that is invisible, flatters your hawt bod and won't stop you from being the foxiest you can be. I mean, string thongs are great, but for those of us who have more than 3% body fat and enjoy the occasional chips and guac combo, this is greater. Trust.

3. Masdar City's Petals From Heaven

        The only good thing that came out of exam week was all this random BS I learned via Google in order to fill up my 20 page paper about biophilia (human beings' inherent need to be with nature). One thing I learned about was this city (Masdar City) in Abu Dhabi due to be completed in 2018--it's supposed to be completely walled AND completely sustainable. I know what you're thinkin. . ."I want to eat chips and guac!" or "Abu, hey isn't that the monkey from Aladdin?" but actually, what you should be thinking is this: "HOLY COW I WANNA LIVE IN MASDAR CITY!" Because they are completely sustainable, in the city's center, they have these giant closed umbrella-like structures that open up in the daytime like giant lilypads to allow people to walk around in shade. At the same time, they collect energy from the sun and harvest it to release warmth later in the night when the close. I know, sooooooooooor baller. 

4. Hawt Chocolate

        I actually don't love hawt chocolate that much. . .I only like the idea of it. This legitimately has nothing to do with why I don't drink hawt chocolate, but one time, I accidentally ate maggots because they were in my morning hawt chocolate and I didn't know it. I, psycho germophobe teen that I was, freaked out and was traumatized for the rest of that day and hyperventilated to my parents later that day. And all they did was shrug and tell me that maggots are good for me. And then they went back to watching their Chinese soap opera. Seriously you guys: What. The. Fuck.   

         But anyways, the weird thing is that the whole incident didn't steer me away from hawt chocolate at all--I totally would drink more hawt chocolate, but I feel really fat afterwards and then cycle into being jealous of Natalie Portman and ballerinas again. Protein-filled maggots are healthy. Jealousy is not. Okay, you can stop gagging now.

5. Wearing Things on My Head

        If it were socially acceptable to prance around with cat ears on my head when it's not Halloween, I would totally do it. Same goes with reindeer antlers, birthday hats and happy new year tiaras. Idk, I just feel like I look really fly when I wear things on my head. . .