currently: dawggggg

1. Waking Up To Sun
     Wow, let me just tell you this: I totally get why bears plug up their butts and then sleep the winter away. Because let me tell you something, folks, winter is fuckin BLEAK. (I'm trying to stop cussing again, but I find that not cussing is just stylistically terrible sometimes). Yeah sure, Baby Jesus and Santa Claus and Frosty and Mariah Carey and Martin Luther King, Jr. try to brighten the otherwise dismal time of year, but jaded people see right through that facade, into the dark, dark heart of that piece of shit we call winter. Or invierno, if you are Latino.
          For me, it's like a 3 month period of consistent hate where can't drag myself outta bed in the morning, because my caveman-regulated circadian clock is telling me that it is dark, and thus I should be sleeping and grunting. Now though, I feel like Cinderella, with all the birds sweeping the floor and making my dress while I dance around in the sun. Trust, it's a good feeling.

2. Sleeping With The Windows Open
      You know in John Hughes movies when the romantic slicked-hair-and-leather-jacket bad boy hero does something sweet for the innocent, Molly Ringwald heroine by somehow contacting her through her bedroom window? That shat just never actually happens. And thus, that is not the reason why I sleep with my bedroom windows open. I just really like nature, okay? And I like to feel a breeze while I sleep; it's how I imagine it would feel if God (or, for all purposes, Morgan Freeman or Taylor Lautner) was fanning me with a palm leaf. Sometimes though, a bird will be perched on the window sill when I wake up, and fairy-tale-esque as that sounds, it's not. It's scary shit when you wake up and all you see is this cooing, feathered monster staring at you with one eye. Assholes.

3. Bras
       They make your boobs look good, what's not to love.

4. Reading My Old Xanga Entries
      I don't know how I had friends between the ages of 12 and 14. I liked to randomly underline words and bold them, and I asked people to comment on my posts. Can you say, un-classy? Why did I ever think that people cared about what kind of grades I had or what I ate for dinner? It's like, you know that person on Facebook who updates their status every hour with something like "Which college should I go to? Case, Berkeley, Miami, obscure college, obscure college, etc, etc!" or "Brushin my teeth, then putting on deodorant, then using my new tongue scraper!" Well just imagine that, but with even more writing and even more obnoxious things. I blatantly was mean to people and called out people on stupid things that they did. I am legitimately embarrassed for my younger self.
     As a side note though. . .I believe I had a lot more self confidence when I was younger.

5. Stealing Spider Plants From Lowe's

       If you are hypothetically looking to commit a petty crime, you should totally hypothetically do this! Spider Plants are like the low-income whores of the plant neighborhood, and the way I see it, they are always looking for you to give one of their many babies a better, more loving home. So here's what you hypothetically do: go to Lowe's, go to the spider plant section, marvel at the prices, then carefully and furtively, pluck 3 babies off the plant. Stuff them down your shirt or pants (ew, I would hypothetically judge you if you did that, though), go home, put them in water and voila, instant present. Again, all events are hypothetical, don't call the cops. (I'll run, they'll never find meeeeeee)